Friday, May 8, 2009

A Grateful Mother's Day

This is my first "official" Mother's Day.

Last year, Mother's Day was spent with a baby, barely a week old, sitting in our chocolate, leather chair, nursing. Dan cooked a Rachel Ray pasta dish recommended by my mother and I sat in the chair, confused, overwhelmed, grateful, and nursing. I was in a fog mostly, as most Mom and Dad's are at that point in their baby's life. I remember our sweet baby falling asleep next to our bed in the pack-n-play later that night while Dan and I watched movies on the lowest volume possible, sneaking glances in Riley's direction at every whimper or sigh.

This year is so much different. This year, I really feel like a mom. Riley (ok, really Dan) got me a card that reads, "Happy Mother's Day to the woman who brought me into the you didn't know that would be the easy part!" How true that is.

Leading up to getting pregnant, I thought that was stressful - battling infertility was just the start of this roller coaster we are on. Everyday, I feel so grateful to have Riley in our lives. Yes, I stressed over her growth while she was in my belly just as I stress over every small detail today. But, I wouldn't trade a sleepless night or a snotty nose day at any rate - she is mine and I am hers. Dan is the best Dad and I am eternally grateful for our table for three.

Sitting here now, rubbing my fingers over the "R" silver pendant that my two favorite people got for me, there are no other words to express the love that is crammed into our house. We went to Sunday Brunch this morning at the Cheesecake Factory and Riley was in rare form. She has developed an aversion to the highchair so we took turns wrangling her in the large booth as we stole bites off of our plate. Still, I felt grateful. At times I thought I wouldn't be able to be a mom, so through the stressful times, I remember that this too shall pass and I don't want to waste a single moment I have with her now, at this age, with two gapped front teeth and two, big, beautiful, blue eyes staring up at us.

It is only fitting that I share this forwarded email that I received from a fellow mom, Tracy. I'm sure many of you have seen it, but the words ring so true.

"Before I was a Mom, I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom, I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom, I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom, I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom, I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body..

I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom, I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 1 0 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom ."

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