Things that wouldn't happen if I wasn't sleep deprived...

True stories from a sleep deprived Momma

1. I simply missed the noises coming from the monitor this morning signaling to me that Riley was up. Instead, awoke to her tearing apart the bathroom, clearing off the counter after she used the gigantic horse barn as a make-shift step stool, and notifying me that she pooped in her pants.

2. Went to a friend's house to take care of her fish. This friend shall remain anonymous should the occasion arise that I have to replace her fish after the following: Riley watched me feed the sea monkeys. I settled into their recliner to breastfeed Reese and enjoyed the quiet. After growing suspicious, I found Riley "feeding" the sea monkeys. She had managed to work the top off and dump an entire package of food into their plastic container. I'm pretty sure she killed them.

3. While getting Riley to wash her hands, Reese projectile vomited all over me. I left my diaper bag in the car. I had to rummage through friend's closet for a replacement shirt for myself and stripped Reese of her clothing, all the while scolding Riley for Sea Monkey Incident 2010. I didn't have anything to use for Reese at the moment (outfit or spit cloth) so I used some paper towels on a bath mat as her resting spot. I ran to the car taking Riley with me for fear of Sea Monkey Incident times two. I left my baby on the paper towel, this time on the kitchen floor mat. Upon my return, I then had to clean up the explosive poop that had occurred in Reese's diaper all the while Riley complaining that she couldn't get her shoes on.

4. Had a panic attack.

5. We met Dan for lunch at Chik-Fil-A. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep for a couple minutes while eating my sandwhish with one hand and rocking the stroller with the other.

6. Bribed my two year old (who quite possibly is attaining speed on the black market) with a brownie if she took a nap.

7. I am up, instead of sleeping, blogging and watching So You Think You Can Dance.